Losing Time

Earlier this week a friend sent me a text regarding a child who has recently been diagnosed with leukemia.  My heart broke and I was quickly sent back to a year ago when we had only recently learned of my cousin Clare's battle with cancer.  I thought about being a child, about the fear, about what they face and about how each moment is truly precious with your children, with your family, with your friends.

The old adage of time passing quickly as you age is true.  As I have almost hit my mid-30's (okay not quite but we'll just pretend), each year seems to go by more quickly.  When I think back to life as being easy (READ: ONE KID), I think about the time and how I yearned for it to pass so I could be busier. 

Enter: Now.  Currently I am sitting, for a minute as I type planning my afternoon attack.  Its a trip to Michael's, a Pick Up, making a t-shirt, concocting my first batch of "trees" for Friday's Dr. Seuss Celebration and of course the odds and ends we are trying to tie up with the Tricky Tray set for this weekend.  In between the work, I am trying to roll cars across the floor, cook, clean, throw laundry around, make doctor's appointments and review flashcards with my little girls.  And yet I want to just sit and watch.  Watch my girls play.  Watch my son learn to crawl.  Watch my children as they sleep.

When did our precious time become the time we devote to others at the detriment of our family?  Seems like this mom has allowed volunteering to take over her life.  And that time, the seconds and hours I wished would pass quickly so we'd be busier?  It went.  It left.  I can still close my eyes and remember snuggling my once only child on the couch as we laid in the warm winter sun watching a program together.  Today?  I can't imagine stopping to just snuggle, and I don't like it.

Seems like my posts have the same mantra.  This morning as I exercised I prayed.  Prayed it would work out.  Prayed I would make the moments count.  Prayed that I would learn to say "no".  Prayed I would learn to cherish each moment instead of wishing it away, even if it isn't the perfect moment.

Because, right now, I am losing time, and regretting it.